Limbo Flu and a New Song

Plus, I'm an awful caregiver but I come by it honestly

Deb and I both got sick this past week. But I did write two songs.

I Don’t Need Heaven - my songwriting journal

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I started to feel the effects last Monday. Initially, I thought it might be allergies. By Monday Night, I knew I was sick. I figured it was a cold.

I woke up Tuesday and realized it was more than a cold. I did my best to power through the next couple of days. I would work for a couple hours, sleep for 30 to 40 minutes, work for another couple hours.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I refer to being sick like this as “Limbo Flu”

Limbo Flu:
Not sick enough to call in sick to work but apathetic enough that your performance is dismal.

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Aside: I’m not much of a TV watcher. Several years ago I ended up with Strep Throat and binge watched two seasons of Breaking Bad - and LOVED IT!! I haven’t watched an episode of any series since. Even our 2022 bouts of Covid and RSV did not result in TV time for me. footnote:¹

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Deb started to feel it by Wednesday afternoon. Thursday and Friday were abysmal for her but I was on the mend - or as Deb would say, “annoyingly energetic”.

For both of us, the most frustrating element to this flu was its trickery. After the worst two days, we both woke up and felt as though we were basically better. You’d think, “Okay… Today will be fine.” You’d get things started and then, by around 9:30am, you suddenly felt the bed calling you.

On Sunday (yesterday), I actually got some chores done and prepared pancakes, fruit, and turkey bacon at Deb’s request. She told me she thought she felt good enough to get out and take some pictures in the afternoon.

Me: “Don’t count on it. If my experience is an indication, its not done with you because it is still not done with me.”

At around 11 Deb said, “I’m a loser. I am going to go back to bed.”

And, loser she was… back in bed most of the day. To her credit, she got up at some point and washed a few dishes. We also folded some laundry together.

I’ve got a slight, intermittent cough, and still feel some fatigue. But it is early and the fatigue could be a Nyquil hangover. I’m combating that with morning coffee. Competing drugs… hmm…

I’m a horrible caregiver

My mother was an ICU nurse - she took care of very sick people. My father was a lab tech. Both were pragmatic as hell. In our family, when you got sick, you might get some soup and cough medicine but you were expected to go to your room, grab a book, and get well on your own.

So… that’s basically how I handle being sick. I don’t want Deb or anyone around. I need to get to the business of getting better. It’s like a task.

And that is sort of how I treat Deb. I’m vaguely aware that I’m being an ass much of the time. I’ll prepare soup or, in her case, gluten free toaster waffles, and get medicine for her. But don’t ask me to sit and talk with your miserable sick self or express much care. There are tasks to complete… you are one of them.

Back to my parents… if you expressed how badly you felt, my mother was inclined to say something like, “Your sick. That’s what being sick is.” Thanks mom!

I’ve said something similar to Deb a few times this week. Sheesh!!

I do recall one very special time: Our family was at Disneyland. We had cousins out from Canada. I ended up with a stomach bug, throwing up and too sick to go on any rides. I ended up at the Mickey Mouse infirmary. I was probably five or six years old.

I remember how much I loved my mom at this moment. She was giving up going on rides and instead, sitting with me in the infirmary, just reading a book in the chair next to me. As far as I was concerned, she had sacrificed the incredible joy of what Disneyland had to offer.

In hindsight, knowing my mom, she was probably happy to escape the chaos and catch up on her reading. We were not easy children to wrangle. But it is a fond memory, none-the-less!

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But a song showed up

Two actually. Although, the first one, which isn’t ready, started last weekend and was completed on Monday, before I got sick.

The next one, titled, “I Don’t Need Heaven” was written on Thursday morning. I completed one line on Friday.

Also, when I say a song “showed up”, I’m not suggesting any ethereal, external source for songs or other creative output. Songs are not sourced from anywhere, other than your brain. I’m simply indicating that I had no plans to write anything.

My guitar had sat untouched since Monday. That is rare! My guitar is in my hands most mornings before 4:30am. I felt guilty about this - as though I was neglecting a lover.

Please overlook that I was, in all likelihood, neglecting the actual sick lover in the room next to me. Shush!

I picked it up on Thursday morning. It felt good. A simple guitar riff led to some playful lyrics. By 7:00am, the song was basically done minus the one line mentioned above.

Here is a rough performance from the office this morning. I made it through without coughing. I’m reasonably happy with it. I’ve included the lyrics below my signature.

Once again, thank you for joining me on this journey.

With Love and Gratitude,
Matthew Moran
November 18, 2024

LYRICS

I DON’T NEED HEAVEN (BABY, THAT’S RIGHT)
© 2024 - Matthew Moran

VERSE
You on my doorstep, sun in my eyes
Hair shines like copper, Mourning Dove cries
There’s a car at the curb
Gassed up and waiting to drive

Time races forward, the road stretches on
You’ve got my heart girl, I’ve got your song
I’ve been running the numbers
Let’s keep running finding places to hide
(chorus)

CHORUS
I don’t need heaven, I just need to hold you tight
I don’t need magic but cast your spell on me tonight
Baby, that’s right

VERSE
I’ve been the pauper, I’ve been the thief
You’ve been the angel bringing me peace
It’s an open confession
I come empty-handed, heart on my sleeve

Not looking for answers, I’m not seeking a sign
I’ve got the wisdom of ages just by calling you mine
Everything I wanted
Everything I needed to find
(chorus)

VERSE
Moon cast its shadow cross this road that we ride
Next stop, forever, with you by my side
Keep your eye on the horizon
And the dream safe in our heart and our mind
(chorus)

1. I lied: Deb and I watched Ricky Gervais’ series, After Life. That’s my kind of series. Only 6 short episodes per season. Amazing stuff… hilarious, touching, and insightful!