I find this to be brilliant! Makes me want to send it to a number of people I know, but not before I reexamine my own motivations for doing so :-). Keep up the good work!
Great post! I had never thought about actually asking someone if they would care to hear my response to something. So that’s a new thing for me to think about. Also, I am with you I am being firm with one’s personal preference of boundaries. Although sometimes the people-pleaser in me still forgets that I need her to take the backseat, and I end up not standing strong enough. I’m still a work in progress... But what I think really gets difficult, is when your own boundaries for dealing with other people, and your partner’s boundaries for dealing with other people, don’t match. When you have a partner, the people in his/her orbit and your own overlap. This can be bumpy to navigate :-/
The issue of a partner having a different way of managing boundaries is complicated. For Deb and I, when it comes to her issues with - let's say, her family or friends - she drives that ship. As I tell her, every decision and every relationship has a cost of admission.
She can choose to separate from the odoriferous, as needed , or choose to absorb that. I won't protest (within reason). I tell her, "You know the cost admission to that. If you are willing to pay it, without me having to hear a lot of gnashing of teeth, that's fine."
Part of what made me even more of a direct speaking asshole was the show, "Lie to Me" with Tim Roth. His character is my spirit animal. Also, another character practiced something called, "Radical Honesty." Look it up..
Someone once told me, "Unspoken expectations lead to unmet expectations. Unmet expectations lead to resentment." So... I speak my expectations - unemotionally but firmly.
Thanks again for reading and leaving a comment. It is appreciated.
I find this to be brilliant! Makes me want to send it to a number of people I know, but not before I reexamine my own motivations for doing so :-). Keep up the good work!
J
Great post! I had never thought about actually asking someone if they would care to hear my response to something. So that’s a new thing for me to think about. Also, I am with you I am being firm with one’s personal preference of boundaries. Although sometimes the people-pleaser in me still forgets that I need her to take the backseat, and I end up not standing strong enough. I’m still a work in progress... But what I think really gets difficult, is when your own boundaries for dealing with other people, and your partner’s boundaries for dealing with other people, don’t match. When you have a partner, the people in his/her orbit and your own overlap. This can be bumpy to navigate :-/
The issue of a partner having a different way of managing boundaries is complicated. For Deb and I, when it comes to her issues with - let's say, her family or friends - she drives that ship. As I tell her, every decision and every relationship has a cost of admission.
She can choose to separate from the odoriferous, as needed , or choose to absorb that. I won't protest (within reason). I tell her, "You know the cost admission to that. If you are willing to pay it, without me having to hear a lot of gnashing of teeth, that's fine."
Part of what made me even more of a direct speaking asshole was the show, "Lie to Me" with Tim Roth. His character is my spirit animal. Also, another character practiced something called, "Radical Honesty." Look it up..
Someone once told me, "Unspoken expectations lead to unmet expectations. Unmet expectations lead to resentment." So... I speak my expectations - unemotionally but firmly.
Thanks again for reading and leaving a comment. It is appreciated.