I'm a curious individual
Things that make me who I am: curiosity
Some time in the past I had committed to myself and to you to publish something on Mondays and Thursdays. Which brings us to today, Wednesday.
The above sentence makes sense if you squint while moving quickly past it and that is as much clarity as I will provide at this time.
Nature, Nurture, and Chaos
Over several articles - not necessarily sequential, I’m going to offer a few thoughts on who I am and how I became who I am.
This is a speculative venture fraught with bias and ignorance. Two people, born to the same parents, raised basically the same, will often be quite different in response to similar circumstances and stimuli. Our best neuroscientists haven’t solved this conundrum and I certainly cannot.
When we craft our story, we reverse engineer the various inputs to fit our narrative. We want things to be neat and tidy: a clear point A to point B trajectory. Our actual trajectories are scattered and probably confusing.
Also, when we “analyze” ourselves, we are likely to miss much of what other people see. Our lens is obviously going to be filtered. Minus my moments of self-reflective cringe and self-loathing, the lens is typically filtered in our favor. Our skin is never as smooth as Instagram would have us believe.
And with those large caveats, let’s give this a go.
I’m Curious
I don’t mean that I am curious to the observer - though that has been said. Deb refers to me as “Freakshow!”. While that may be true to others, I live in my own head and, in that regard, I am the most normal person I know.
I’m, quite literally, the standard for normalcy!
When I say, “I’m curious,” I’m speaking about finding many things interesting.
Several years ago I committed myself to spending at least 15 minutes a day learning something new. This can be a new tangible skill in technology, music, car repair, home improvement, exercise, cooking, photography/videography, or whatever else catches my fancy or is needed at the moment.
This can also be learning about the world. History, cosmology, biology, physics, math, astrophysics, geology… who knows what else.
Aside: Last night I was looking at Jupiter during our walk. I mused that the light we were seeing was about forty minutes old. Light is fast! (186,282 miles per second) Jupiter is far away! (519,350,000 miles away) Our solar system is incomprehensibly large.
If you believe you can comprehend those distances, you are incomprehensively dishonest with yourself.
On a day to day basis, I spend more than 15 minutes learning new things.
I take in anywhere from one to several college level lectures or workshops weekly. Although, to be clear, sometimes I put these on when going to sleep. Learning through osmosis and during REM cycles is overrated. Retention doesn’t happen.
A byproduct of this is that Deb struggles to get me to stop to watch shows or movies. I enjoy a good yarn but there are so many other things that draw my attention and that I find interesting and important.
For example:
A couple months ago I began guitar lessons and it has been fascinating. Mostly because much of what I learned on my own took me far enough to be reasonably functional but didn’t cover the nuance and mathematical details of how music is structured.
I come back from my lessons excited to share only to discover that, without a LOT of backstory, it does not (and cannot) resonate with Deb. After a few minutes of my excited rambling, explaining how modes of a scale work, she sends me to the office to geek out in private.
Why am I curious?
I had parents who read constantly. Our home was full of books! We all (my siblings and I) read a lot. My parents valued education. Not grades, necessarily. Those were expected. But acquiring information was valued and normalized. It is just what one should do.
My father used to say, “Your mom is smart. I’m smart. It is likely that you are biological intelligent.”
It sounds arrogant but it established the idea that I had no excuse NOT to be reasonably intelligent. By the way, I used this with my kids too. Sure, perhaps they are not very intelligent but hopefully I made them believe they are. (this is a test to see if any of them read this)
When I was a child, we drove around the US a few times as a family. During those trips my mother would get books that covered everything from reading and writing comprehension and that provided context to the states and locations we were visiting. While on our way to Yellowstone, for instance, we’d read about Yellowstone.
It was interesting to me as a child and is still interesting to me to this day.
That is as clear an answer as I can give. It feels like the above explains the why of my curiosity.
But I also know that my mom told me I was this way as a small child/toddler. I remember how, when we drove our motorhome around the country, I would try to stay awake, sitting in between the driver and passenger seat (unbelted - c’mon mom and dad) watching the road for any wildlife or interesting structures.
It makes me believe that my curiosity is a confluence of the brain chemistry I was born with, multiplied by parents who provided space to explore. Add to this the often strange and varied books, magazines, movies, and plays that I were exposed to.
The cons of curiosity
In short:
Too many interest to undertake them all
Scattered when attempting to undertake too many of them
A growing awareness that time will not permit me to explore some things I’d like to
My curiosity is one of my favorite traits. When I next delve into what makes me who I am, we’ll tackle a less desirable trait.
Impatience!
But you’ll have to wait for that… *snort*
Thank you for joining me on this journey.
With Love and Gratitude,
Matthew Moran
April 9, 2025
Some PS’es
I have a gig on April 26, 2025 at Tomato Joe’s in Canyon Country.
I’m considering rebranding (or post-branding) this newsletter back to The Arrogant Sage or something similar.
I’ve avoided writing anything political but silence may, in fact, be violence. I’m more interested in the soundness, or lack thereof, of the epistemology used to support or reject certain ideas or action.
I’m going to establish a schedule and adhere to it. Ideas are not the problem.
I have been reading 'Tiny Experiments' (https://nesslabs.com/book). Your post reminded me of this book.
Wonderful! What great gift to receive as well as to give!
J